Trusting in the Silence

“All their life in this world and all their adventures had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”― C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle

Until we are living in the place where that story “goes on forever,” God has written a story for our lives to be lived out here and now. It is a good story. Actually, it is a far better story than we could ever imagine. The thing that makes our story great is that it really is not about us. We are not the main character in the story; Jesus is!

One of the great stabilizing truths of life is stated in Romans 8:29, For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.

Everything God allows into my life is by sovereign design intended to mold and shape me to model the life of our Lord so that others would see him, be drawn to him, and glorify him. Let me repeat, “everything God brings into my life…”

My first visit to the Department of Otolaryngology at Ohio State Wexner Medical Center was on February 21, 2017. I was referred there after a few visits with a local ENT specialist. The reason for my appointment was that I had for some time been struggling with my voice. At times, while preaching I would suddenly feel a painful “grabbing” in my throat and my voice would shut down. The silence was temporary so I could continue speaking but with more frequent occurrences of the “grabbing” silence I thought I should see a doctor. After that first appointment we had a good idea of what might be the cause and a course of treatment for dealing with the problem.

Over the course of a year or so, I had vocal cord injections, laser surgery, stomach surgery (the thought being that acid reflux was affecting the vocal cords), speech therapy, and an unexpected visit to the ER after one of those procedures. My doctors were fantastic. I am thankful for all they did but nothing “worked.” By “worked” I mean, my voice was completely lost, and no procedure brought it back.

My visit to my doctor on April 4, 2018, was one of those “I know what they are going to say” kinds of visits. After pulling the scope out of my nose, my good doctor almost in tears herself, said, “I think you should look for a new career.” I knew she was going to say it, but it was still a kick in the gut. The gist of the final diagnosis is that I have lost the ability to communicate with my voice. It is gone. Everyone in the room that morning: my doctor, my speech therapist, my wife, and I, grieved together. We had done all we could, humanly speaking, to “change” the situation but God had different and better plans.

As you can imagine, Paula and I needed some counsel and encouragement, so we met with some dear friends. In the course of our conversation one of our counselors said, “this is just the next chapter in your story.”

We do not yet know how the story will end but we do know Who is writing the story! One of my biggest problems is that I don’t always trust the Author, but I am slowly and sometimes painfully learning that He can always be trusted.